When I was 37 weeks pregnant, doctors discovered my baby had a catastrophic brain condition known as Miller Dieker syndrome. My husband and I were told our baby would die, but no one could tell us when it would happen. We were given wild estimates, ranging between 2 and 15 years. But in the end, the doctors were all wrong. Baby Lily died when she was just 10 months and 15 days old.
After Lily passed away, I realised I had been making a terrible mistake my whole life. All my life I had avoided acknowledging death and grief. If someone I knew had experienced a loss, I would not mention it. I didn’t want to upset them or say the wrong thing. So usually I said nothing at all. Sometimes, I would offer well-meaning platitudes.
‘At least she is at peace now.’
Until I experienced my own loss, I didn’t realise how unhelpful such sayings are. In fact, they can be downright hurtful and can be detrimental… Read the rest
